Category Archives: editorial

More Outlandish Opinions

I’m in that kind of mood this week, and you, my poor reader, are right in the cross hairs. 

Yes, another post that verges on a rant. OK, I’ll admit. It is a rant. I’m good with that. Maybe it’s the impending Holiday Season that is cranking my internal stress level up, as I already wish it was over. Maybe it is the stress I feel knowing that I will have to ramp-up the War on Christmas this year if I’m to have any negative effect on the holiday. I don’t know. But here we go…


There are certain activities in our society that are considered good in almost situations. Today I’d like to cite two such things, and explain why they are both bullshit.


We like to encourage reading. Or perhaps it might be more accurate to say that as a society we like to pretend to encourage reading. We say “just get kids to read” and everything will work out. Adults are supposed to be better people if they will just read rather than watch TV.

As a thinking, conscious vertebrate, I can assure you that nothing is further from the truth.

If someone is reading stupid stuff they are making themselves and society around them worse. If they are reading books by Glen Beck, Ann Coulter, or any of that ilk, they are harming themselves. They are harming themselves as surely as if the were sucking on the exhaust pipe of a running car in a sealed garage while gulping down tranquilizers and vodka, and they are making society worse by fueling the publishing business that purveys such stupidity.

If you are reading the Left Behind series, by Tim LaHaye, or any other kind of Christian Apocalypse literature, and you are reading it as anything other than humor, you are contributing not only to your own intellectual damnation, but that of your species as well.

So stop. It pains me greatly to says this, but stop. Change what you are reading or stop. You would be better off in a vegetative state. Read science fiction, a zombie novel, a classic, a cook book, but for the love of Jeebus stop reading that hack political and religious stuff. You aren’t educating yourself. You are de-educating yourself.


I’m tired of these “Get out the Vote” drives, in which the general population is encouraged to get out and vote. This is not a good idea. Remember, a large part of the population is reading books by Glen Beck. This is the country that birthed Rush Limbaugh. Just because those folks have the right to vote doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to encourage them.

Voter turnout is actually only good if they turn out for YOUR SIDE. And by YOUR SIDE, I mean MY SIDE.

I’m not suggesting that anyone be disenfranchised. Every citizen of this country who is of voting age and hasn’t lost their voting rights due to crime absolutely has the right to vote and that should be guarded, protected, and cherished. That doesn’t mean that every lump of protoplasm with a pulse should be encouraged to vote. For God’s sake, have you been to Walmart? If you have, you know where I’m going with this argument, and I won’t even finish it. Just connect the dots.

Alright, that’s it for today. Remember – Read Well and Vote Well, or don’t.


Let’s be honest…


Admission: On a bad day on the stock market, I enjoy seeing the pictures of dejected brokers and traders. I imagine them all going out and jumping out of high windows or jumping in front of subway trains.  I like seeing the people who leach money out of the system have a bad day. Don’t you?  If you say “no”, you are a liar!




Urinal Talk

Fellow men,

Bathroom urinals are designed so that the “pee catcher” protrudes a few inches from the main body of the urinal. While urinal design varies slightly from one manufacturer to the other (one must consider aesthetics in all areas of endeavor), the protruding pee catcher is common to all modern urinals.

This design allows one to urinate without dribbling pee all over the floor in front of the urinal, IF — and I can’t emphasize this enough — one stands within a reasonable distance of the urinal.

It doesn’t work if you are a foot away. It isn’t that complicated. When finishing the urination, you must have your member OVER the pee catcher until all urination is concluded, and all dribble-droplets are dribbled.

That is all.